The 6 Forces That Are Holding You Back

We are all born fully self-confident. Ask any child what they’re the best at in the world, and you’ll get a long list of responses, ranging from giving hugs to playing soccer. But there’s a moment in our lives when we become self-aware and self-conscious. Self-awareness can easily become self-doubt starting in our teenage years, when we develop an inner critic that holds us back.

What drives this inner critic? We’ve identified 6 forces that hold us back from being courageous and confident:

1. Deficit Mindset: A focus on what’s missing or lacking rather than what’s possible. When you look in the mirror, do you look for your beautiful eyes or the new wrinkle that’s formed?

   
   

2. Shrinking Effect: Underestimating one’s abilities or shortchanging oneself. Do you say sorry as a default when you haven’t done anything wrong?

   
   

3. Satisfaction Conundrum: Chasing external markers of success—achievements, money, status. Do you find yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when...”?

   
   

4. Superhero Facade: An illusion that we have everything under control. When we are superheroes, no one is invited to have their fingerprints on our journey. Do you feel alone in tackling your setbacks?

   
   

5. Setback Spiral: Negative thoughts, feelings, or actions that arise from criticism or disappointment. When a setback happens, does it affect how you feel about all parts of your life (“I’m a terrible colleague, best friend, sister, mother, daughter”)?

   
   

6. Systemic Bias: Asymmetrical power dynamics that are barriers to progress. Are you doing everything you can, but perhaps the scorecards were not built by you or for you to see you?

    

First, which of these have you ever felt in your life? Which ones affect you the most often? We take away the inner critic’s power when we can identify what is driving our fears.

Second, can we break out of these 6 forces? Can we sit in the midst of our flaws and still hold ourselves in high regard to live bigger, fuller, more fulfilling lives? I can tell you firsthand, without hesitation, that the answer is yes. We can choose not to take direction from the inner critic and instead, listen to the megaphone of our superpowers (if you haven’t already, discover yours at  MyConfidenceLanguage.com ).  

Confidence is a choice and a mindset, before it becomes a behavior. Make a choice to break free from these 6 forces and embrace how truly special you are.