Coping with Holiday Stress: Part 1

While the holidays can be a joyful time, it is also a time that brings added pressures: financial stress, conflicts with loved ones, social obligations (or loneliness), overcommitment, year-end reflections that trigger regret. It’s an environment ripe for our inner critic.

We asked you to share common holiday setbacks, and over the next 3 weeks, I will share ways to address them with gravitas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and I want you to get the most out of it.

HOW TO SHIFT FROM "NOT ENOUGH" TO "MORE THAN ENOUGH"

The perfect gift is sold out, your home doesn’t look as festive as you hoped, and scrolling through social media only reminds you of everything you don’t have. Instead of joy, you feel inadequate. Sound familiar?

The  Deficit Mindset  is a mental trap that makes us see life through the lens of “not enough.” During the holidays, this mindset often creeps in as we compare ourselves to others or feel pressured to meet impossible expectations.

Take Mia, who loves hosting holiday dinners but feels embarrassed this year because she couldn’t find the time and resources for a lavish spread. Instead of celebrating that she’s gathering loved ones, she focuses on how she’s falling short of Pinterest-perfect.

The Deficit Mindset diminishes our joy and creates a cycle of comparison, missing out on the true meaning of the holiday—a chance to connect and create lasting memories.

How to Reframe the Deficit Mindset During the Holidays: 

1. Focus on What You Can Do:  Instead of dwelling on what's missing, celebrate what's within your means. For Mia, it could mean serving a simple but heartfelt meal, decorating with purposeful mementos, and providing fun activities (like taking our Superpowers Quiz together!).
2. Limit Social Media: Take a break from scrolling if it triggers feelings of inadequacy. Remember, social media often shows highlight reels, not all of reality.
3. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection:  Reflect on the growth and challenges you’ve overcome this year. Focus on how far you’ve come and how much stronger you are rather than what you believe is missing.

As you prepare for the holidays, ask yourself: Are you focusing on what you lack or celebrating what you have? What small joys can you embrace to make this season special?

BREAK FREE FROM SELF-DOUBT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

The holidays are filled with gatherings: office parties, family dinners, Friendsgiving celebrations. It’s a time to connect, but what happens when all you want to do is stay home and hide?

For anyone navigating a difficult year—like being laid off or not getting the big promotion you were hoping for—these events can feel like a spotlight on your insecurities. Your external markers of success no longer feel like they stack up against those around you; you find yourself succumbing to the 6 Forces of the Inner Critic and gripped by regret and disappointment.

But what if this holiday season could be different?

Let’s talk about Aaron. Aaron had always looked forward to Friendsgiving, but this year, he dreaded the invitation. Two months ago, Aaron was laid off from a job he loved. Normally, he’d walk into Friendsgiving confident, proud to share career wins and exciting plans for the future. This time, all he could think about was how to avoid questions about work.

At the dinner table, the  Shrinking Effect  took hold. As his friends shared their successes (promotions, travel, new relationships), Aaron felt smaller with each passing moment. His inner critic whispered, “You’re not as accomplished as they are.” Then Satisfaction Conundrum  piled on, making Aaron believe that without a job or clear next step, he had nothing. By the end of the night, Aaron wasn’t reflecting on the warmth and connection of the evening. He was stuck replaying his perceived failures.

Fast-Forward to December: A New Approach

As the December holiday gatherings approach, Aaron knows he needs a different mindset. He can’t change the circumstances, but he can challenge the Shrinking Effect and the Satisfaction Conundrum because here’s the truth: Aaron’s worth isn’t tied to his employment status.

1. Channel the Self-Sustaining Superpower: Success isn’t just external—it’s internal first. Aaron can focus on the resilience he’s shown during his job search; this is a quality that no job title can take away. Before the event, he can reflect on his personal strengths (our Superpowers Quiz is a helpful tool to find the words!). Is he empathetic? Resourceful? Generous? Kind? Fun to be around? These qualities matter far more than a LinkedIn update; a job title doesn’t define his worth.
2. Shift the Focus from "Status" to Stories: At Friendsgiving, Aaron let the conversation steer him into comparison. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, Aaron can think about what he’s proud of from the past year. Maybe he’s been volunteering, learning a new skill, or spending more quality time with loved ones. At the party, he can share these passions instead of his job status, shifting the focus from what he’s lost to what he’s doing now and what he’s creating for his future.
3. Ask, “What’s Possible?”:  Instead of walking into the room with the weight of needing to prove himself, Aaron can reframe the party as an opportunity to connect. Who might he meet? What new ideas could he discover? By looking at the event as a space for connection and possibility, he shifts from self-consciousness to curiosity. Holiday parties are about shared experiences, not personal achievements. Whether it is complimenting a former coworker’s outfit or laughing over old memories, he can create moments of joy rather than dwelling on doubts.

How to Combat Shrinking Effect and Satisfaction Conundrum at Your Next Gathering

If Aaron’s story resonates with you, here’s how you can approach your holiday events with Gravitas:

• Redefine Success: Your presence is enough. The people who matter aren’t judging you by external markers—they care about who you are and how you show up.
• Have a Go-To Conversation Starter: Prepare a topic you’re excited to talk about – a new hobby, a meaningful lesson from the past year, or something you’re looking forward to. This shifts the focus from what you think you lack to what inspires you.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend in your position. You’ve navigated challenges this year; be proud of that.
• Look for Opportunities: Every gathering is a chance to connect, learn, and grow. Shift your mindset from “What will people think?” to “What can I gain from this experience?”

This holiday season, remember that our worth isn’t tied to external achievements. You’ve gotten stronger this year, and every gathering is an opportunity to create a moment of connection and meaning.